We can understand a principle and still struggle to live by it. In coaching, we may know the value of listening yet prepare our next question while the client is speaking. We may respect a client’s freedom to choose yet quietly hope they will choose the path we consider most helpful.
These responses do not necessarily reflect a lack of conviction. They reveal how our need to be useful, discomfort with uncertainty, or attachment to an outcome can influence what we do. Recognising that tension afterwards is one thing; noticing it while the conversation unfolds is another.
I have encountered this gap in my own life in Lebanon, amid prolonged uncertainty and instability.
The recent war left an empty place in my family. I had long understood why resilience and adaptability mattered. But that understanding offered no ready answer to the uncertainty and loss I was experiencing.
I found myself facing more difficult questions. How do I respond to something I cannot change? What choices remain available to me? How do I stay connected to what matters when so much feels uncertain?
I am still working through these questions. The experience has brought home to me how different it is to understand a principle and to discover what it means to live it.
The circumstances are different, but this experience has made me more attentive to the distance between what we understand and how we respond.
In coaching, that distance may become apparent when a client makes a choice we did not expect. We may have explored an option together and come to believe it offered a promising way forward. When the client chooses otherwise, our disappointment can reveal an attachment we had not recognised.
Respecting autonomy means remaining curious about how the client reached their decision, without using our questions to lead them back towards our preferred direction. This is where autonomy becomes something we practise, rather than simply a principle we agree with.
Sometimes we recognise our attachment only afterwards. Listening to a recording, receiving feedback, or reflecting in supervision may reveal moments when we interrupted, pressed a question, or moved on before the client had finished exploring something important.
Recognising these patterns gives us something specific to work on. The harder part is noticing them when they arise again, while we still have a choice about how to respond.
Understanding can help explain why we respond as we do, but it does not settle what should happen next. We may try something different, recognise something worth keeping, or decide that change is not what we need.
In coaching, those choices belong to the client. Our responsibility is to remain interested in what they are discovering, without expecting every insight to lead to action.
Outside the coaching room, we encounter questions that are not easily resolved. We can understand a great deal about ourselves and still be unsure how to live with loss, uncertainty, or circumstances beyond our control. Knowing more does not always make the next step obvious.
Perhaps what understanding offers is not a complete answer, but a place to begin. We can be honest about where we are, recognise the choices still available to us, and remain connected to what matters. The rest may take time.
Understanding can bring relief or acceptance without requiring further change.
A familiar explanation need not become a permanent definition of who we are.
Responding differently can remain difficult even when we understand our usual response.
Clients decide what to change, preserve, or leave alone.
Coaches also need practice, reflection, and feedback to put understanding into action.
I want to close this reflection with Let It Unfold. The song does not attempt to answer the questions raised here. It gives them another voice, reminding us that we can take the next step without knowing how the whole story will turn out.
Letting life unfold does not mean standing still or surrendering our choices. It means recognising what is beyond our control while remaining attentive to what is still ours to shape. Some days, we find the courage to take another step. On others, we need the patience to stay with uncertainty. Both are part of our journey of becoming.
I close with Let It Unfold, a song that carries this reflection from understanding into feeling. It reminds us that we do not need to have every answer or appear strong at every moment. We can be honest about where we are, trust our own pace, and remain open to what life may yet bring.
Maybe we don’t need to know how our story will unfold to believe something meaningful is still possible.
Lyrics written by Dr Ben Koh. Follow us on Spotify and Apple Music for more inspirational songs.
[ Verse 1 ]
Some days I wonder, am I moving too slow?
Chasing the answers, I may never know.
Life keeps changing, I’m not sure what to do.
Trying to smile when the world feels blue.
[Chorus]
I’ll let it unfold, let my story be told.
Step by step forward, that’s how I grow.
I’m learning to trust the strength in my soul
Day after day, I let it unfold.
[Verse 2]
People expect me to always be strong.
Hide every doubt and just move along.
But being honest – lightens the load.
Staying true is the bravest road.
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
Sometimes the answers just don’t appear.
I breathe in deep and hold those near.
Each waiting moment teaches me.
Right here, right now is where I’m free.
[Final Chorus]
I’ll let it unfold, let my story be told.
Step by step forward, that’s how I grow.
Trust in the moment, hope lights the way.
Keeping my heart open every day.
[Bridge -Rap]
When the world gets quiet, I hear what’s inside.
Finding my own way, I don’t need to hide.
No need to hurry, I find my beat.
Each brand new day feels complete.
[Chorus]
[Outro]
Let it unfold, trust what you see
With hope in your heart to light the way.
