You’ve probably encountered this scenario before. A manager can see clearly that something needs to be said to a team member, but they choose not to. Instead of giving feedback immediately, they defer the conversation under the pretext of bringing it up at a better time. Eventually, even if the message is passed, the moment and impact of the feedback is gone.
Research confirms this is not an isolated pattern. A report by the Harvard Business Review found that two-thirds of managers are uncomfortable communicating with employees, which can lead to them avoiding feedback conversations entirely. Over time, this can greatly affect team morale and culture.
Understanding why giving feedback is important begins with reframing what it actually is. It is not primarily a performance management tool. It is how a person learns where they stand, what is expected of them, and whether the person above them is willing to invest in their growth.
When that honest input is absent, employees become actively disengaged and start to draw their own conclusions, which may not accurately reflect where they stand within a team or company.
There are many surface reasons why managers may avoid giving feedback: not enough time, fear of emotional reactions, uncertainty about how to structure the conversation, concern about demotivating someone already under pressure.
While these reasons may be valid, there may be other factors that come down to an understanding of their role. Research into why managers avoid difficult conversations points to a recurring pattern: the manager has not fully accepted what their position asks of them in relation to another person’s growth.
They continue to relate to direct reports more as peers than as someone with genuine authority and responsibility for their development. The avoidance is a way of staying comfortable in a relationship the role asks them to redefine. The same reluctance shows up in what bad coaching looks like in personal growth: avoidance of discomfort in service of one’s own ease, at the cost of the person being served.
What accumulates in a team where feedback is consistently withheld is rarely visible until it becomes significant. The employee who continues a pattern they do not know is a problem. The team that learns, over time, that underperformance carries no consequence. As a result, the manager loses credibility without understanding why.
So why is giving feedback important? In an organisation, the lack of feedback typically affects high performers the most. When a manager only raises concerns and never clearly acknowledges what is working, the employees most likely to leave are often the ones most worth keeping.
Knowing how to give someone feedback is where most frameworks begin. But rather than having a fixed framework, effective feedback can only begin when a manager understands and embraces their role as a mentor for their team.
Before any framework can be employed, the question must be asked: is the manager willing to be present with the discomfort that honesty in a relationship sometimes produces? Some best practices for giving feedback include:
But these cannot be practiced unless the manager is able to:
The managers who are comfortable giving feedback are not the ones with the most sophisticated models. They are the ones who have accepted that leadership asks something of them relationally, and who have developed the capacity to meet that ask with both honesty and care.
This is the shift from managing performance to developing people. It is what leading through a coaching approach actually requires.
Coach Masters Academy executive leadership training is built to help managers enhance their leadership performance, drive measurable results and achieve long-term success. Part of that is learning how to provide feedback effectively to team members.
Explore our online leadership coaching courses to see how we can help your organization develop more effective leaders today.
